


But Baby, It Ain't No Joke

by Reyn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: April Fools' Day, Established Relationship, M/M, Pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 10:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16931184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyn/pseuds/Reyn
Summary: DracohatesApril Fool’s Day.





	But Baby, It Ain't No Joke

**Author's Note:**

> Quick refresher: the twins' birthday is on April Fool's Day.

Draco woke up immediately on edge, eyes darting around to take in what he could see of the room. 

His wand was exactly as he had left it on the bedside table. His overnight bag was still zipped, with the same number of dents in it. His clothes from yesterday still sat in the far corner near Harry’s hamper, under the strict instructions that they weren’t to be laundered for at least a week.

Peeking over the edge of the bed, Draco could spot nothing wrong with the floor and despite his bunny slippers twitching their noses in sleep, he couldn’t bring himself to trust any of it.

And with good reason, too.

Every year, every _single_  year, since he and Harry had started dating, the Weasley twins had subjected him to the most vicious of attacks on April Fool’s Day.

Draco hated it.

Fred and George could argue until they were blue in the face that they were just harmless pranks, but Draco didn’t believe them. He was convinced it was their way of trying to sabotage his relationship.

His very solid and very damning evidence for this was based on just how extreme these attacks were becoming. 

The first year he had been their test subject for a new line of candied sweets. Innocent enough, Draco supposed, considering how indiscriminate the twins were towards their targets during Hogwarts, if only they hadn’t made him the constant target of tripping jinxes every time he walked by them.

The second year they had somehow slipped a purpling potion into his shampoo _and_  still managed to sneak him another round of candy. The fact that it was purple was only made worse when he realized purple was the official birthday color they had chosen that year. They topped it off with a sticking charm on the goatee he had been trying to grow out and a bag of purple glitter to the face.

Draco shaved off the beard the very next morning.

The third year, after somehow sneaking Gassy Gummies into his lunch, they challenged him to a game of quidditch while everyone was being treated to a tour of the new Holyhead Harpies’ stadium (”Just a friendly match!” they said. “To make up for the previous years we’ve been shits.”), but during the water break at halftime, they handed him what turned out to be Helium Hi Water. It left everyone in tears with how high-pitched his voice remained for the rest of the day, on top of his uncontrollable farts. 

Last year the twins didn’t even wait for Draco to get out of bed. The second his feet touched the floor and he moved to stand, a pair of hideously clawed hands darted out and grabbed him around the ankles and dragged him screaming under his bed. His full bladder had been quick to empty itself in his fear, which had both twins laughing so hard that one of them ended up following suite.

Draco refused to talk to Harry for nearly a week after that and wouldn’t attend any gathering that involved any of the Weasley family for a month.

That ended only because Molly found out just what had happened and dragged the men by their ears to Draco’s doorstep to make them apologize.

Despite being mollified at the time, Draco knew better than to think that was enough to put them off anything for this year.

For starters, he had decided to stay the night at Harry’s place, unannounced. Harry had been surprised, but more than happy to include Draco into his evening.

Together, they had spent a nice night in that somehow ended with them attempting to slow dance on top of the bed’s mattress to a waltz that was playing on the WWN. 

Deciding to take a literal leap out of bed, Draco rolled into a crouch and quickly spun around to check if there was anything hiding under the bed.

There wasn’t.

Draco wasn’t about to stop playing it safe, though. He peeked around every corner and examined every room before entering. Harry was, of course, in the kitchen, the single most dangerous room in a house.

“You’re making breakfast?” Draco asked in lieu of greeting, practically tip-toeing over to where a basket of muffins sat at the table.

“I wouldn’t,” Harry warned from the stove. “Errol delivered those.”

Draco snatched his hand back as if burned. This was clearly a morning that called for the safety of some breakfast tea.

Grumbling to himself about the evils of twins who couldn’t just quietly celebrate their birthday with their heads down like most sane wizards, Draco did a bit of a double take when he noticed Harry was staring at him.

“What?” Oh Merlin, did they get him in his sleep? He dropped his spoon and brought his hand to his face.

“Nothing,” Harry hastily reassured, smile crooked as he shook his head as if from a daze. “It’s just…” His spatula slowed in its stirring as he turned to fully face Draco. “I’ve been thinking…for a while now. About how much I enjoy falling asleep with you. And waking up with you. And listening to you rant about your day. And just having you here in general. And I was wondering if maybe you’d like to save ourselves the Floo powder and move in together?” The question ended on such a shaky note that it was clear Harry’s nerves were getting the best of him.

Draco’s eyes immediately narrowed in suspicion. They had been together for going on five years now. Things like nervousness and actual embarrassment no longer existed between them. 

Gaze darting back to the basket of muffins, Draco’s lip curled. “Oh, please. Did Fred and George put you up to this?”

Harry’s face fell, stricken. “What?”

“I wouldn’t put it past them to stoop so low, but you.” Draco ran his fingers through his hair. “I came here to  _escape_ their stupid pranks! Not so that you could join in on them! Stupid bloody April Fool’s – I hate this holiday!”

“April Fool’s…” Harry echoed faintly.

“Yes. Har har, joke’s always on me, isn’t it?” Draco pushed away from the counter. “I’m going home. I’ll see you tonight at their dinner.”

With that, Draco left, refusing to hear any words of apology from one of the few people he explicitly trusted.

—

Draco’s flat was trashed. Toilet paper was hanging from the ceiling, clothes were littered about everywhere, and by the walls, Fred and George Weasley were graffitiing his wallpaper.

“What the _fuck_  are you doing?”

The twins whirled around and after a moment of wide eyed staring, one of them came to their senses enough to wave his wand.

“ _Mirum!”_

The cushions and pillows in living room exploded in a bang of confetti. The toilet paper all turned into brightly colored streamers, and the clothes all jumped up and started dancing.

“Congratulations!”

“ _And_  Happy April Fool’s Day! We didn’t expect you home for a while otherwise we would have done a better job.”

Draco’s incredulous gaze roamed toward the walls, where the twin’s handiwork boasted phrases such as “Good riddance to this dump!” and “About time you’re taking that next step!”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Draco repeated.

The twin’s excited gazes turned nervous as they exchanged a look. 

“Did…Harry not ask?”

“He told us he would…”

“I knew it! I _knew_  he was in on this!” Draco crowed. 

“Er…in on what?”

“This!” Draco threw his arms out to encompass the mess. “Him asking me to move in so you could destroy my apartment! Well, I didn’t fall for it, and now I’ve caught you two in the act and you’re going to clean this up, or so help me, I’m telling your mother.”

The worried gazes the twins now had were quick to bring down Draco’s triumphant mood. “What is it?”

“Mate, the only reason we chose this as our prank this year-”

“-is because we caught Harry looking at rings in Diagon Alley last week.”

A nod. “Had to bully an explanation out of him! He admitted he wasn’t quite ready to tie the knot-”

“-but he did swear on asking you to move in the next time you spent the night.”

The horror in Draco swelled with every word.

“When we showed up for our yearly fun and saw you weren’t home-”

“-we assumed he popped the question and decided you deserved a nice celebration when you came back to pack your things.”

Weak-kneed, Draco sat down, his writing desk chair nearly tripping over a pair of trousers in its haste to slide under him.

“No…”

“Yes.” They even nodded in synchronization.

Draco’s head fell into his hands. “No…”

“Come on, Draco. We’re not cruel enough to pull that off as a joke.”

“Yeah. And why would we even joke about you and Harry being together? We’ve been trying to break you guys up for years!”

A wistful sigh. “Yeah…the best birthday present would be Harry announcing you’ve stormed off-”

“-and called it quits completely.”

“And there were times I stuck with him just because I knew it would annoy you,” Draco muttered before abruptly standing. “I hate you both so much. Stop destroying my things.”

With that order, he marched back to the fireplace, determined to mend things with quite possibly future husband.

The End.


End file.
